


An anchor in the thunderstorm

by Iseegoodinyou



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 6x05, Alternate Scene, Alternative final scene, Anger, Angst, Arguing, F/M, Hook tells Emma he did not get rid of the shears, How 6x05 should have ended, Love, Talking, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 09:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8395567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iseegoodinyou/pseuds/Iseegoodinyou
Summary: Episode 6x05 left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. I don't blame Killian for keeping the shears, but I do blame him (or the authors of the series really) for not expressing his point of view on the subject. If he thought getting rid of them was a bad idea, why didn't he say so? Why didn't he argue about it? I am sick of these two keeping secrets from each other... I had to do something about it! So yeah, I dropped every other project to write how in my opinion episode 6x05 should have ended. I really hope we get a scene like this one in the show sooner or later, but for now... happy (well, so to speak...) reading! As usual, I'd LOVE to read your comments! xx





	

**Author's Note:**

> PS: Teen and above rating is for the swearing and harsh language.
> 
> PPS: I wrote this in one go mainly in pauses from work. I didn't proof-read it as much as I did the other works I posted here, so sorry in advance for typos or English mistakes...

Killian pushed the oars of his little boat in the deep dark waters outside the port of Storybrooke. He jerked his arms back and forth with a lot more strength than the task really required, but that seemed like the only way he had at the moment to slightly quiet the anger and the disappointment that boiled inside his veins. He felt like turning his head up to the gloomy sky that perfectly reflected his mood and just scream out loud at the unfairness of everything. But he knew it wouldn't help to calm himself down for what was coming next.

He wished he had more rum in his little flask, but the weight of it in the pocket of his jacket told him it was empty. The other pocket, the one that had shielded Aladdin's precious golden shears, was empty too. But the shears were not lost. He had gone out at sea to get rid of them, as Emma had asked him to. He had held them out the border of the boat, but he had found himself unable to unlock his fingers and let the black waves take them. He hadn't managed to convince himself that it was the right thing to do, even if everyone else seemed to agree on it. No one had bloody thought of asking his opinion anyway, not even Emma. He gritted his teeth at the memory of that conversation. 

He had held those shears in his hands for what seemed like years, his fingers clenched so hard against the metal that the knuckles were white. In the end he had sighed, unable to go against his instincts and he had changed the plan of his own accord. He had turned the little boat and hidden the shears in the most secretive place he could think of. Secret enough that no one else knew it existed, but close enough that he could go back and grab them if he needed them. Now he was rowing back to port, where he knew he would find Emma waiting for him, waiting for an answer. He felt a pang of guilt, for not doing what she had asked him to. A little voice in his head taunted him: _she doesn't have to know_ \- it said - _you can always lie to her and tell her they're gone, she would never know_. Killian thought about it for a second, but then he shook his head, effectively shutting the voice up. No, he would not lie. Not this time. _No more secrets_.

Emma stood on the pier, watching as the little boat emerged from the mist that was coiling slowly just above the water. She relaxed unconsciously at the sight of her pirate, even if he was still so far away that she could barely make out his dark outline. She didn't like being away from him, not now that he knew her secret, thanks to the Evil Queen. But maybe the villain had done her a favour, this time. Her family had showed her their support hours before, as she knew they would. Killian... well, she hadn't really spoken to him about what had happened. She knew he was upset about her keeping yet another secret from him, she could read it in his eyes. She had promised to herself to make up for it, but everything had happened so quickly! Maybe later on that night, in front of a glass of rum, in the quiet of their house...

She saw him row closer to the pier and she started walking towards him. He jumped out of the boat on the wet wood with a muffled _thump_. He didn't turn around to face her straightaway, busying himself with the ropes to secure the little boat to the docks. She waited, a few steps away from him. When he turned towards her, she knew immediately that something was wrong. She saw it in the tight line of his lips, in his clenched jaw and in the shadow that darkened his blue eyes. She let out a shaking breath, trying to get rid of the lump now forming in her throat. She suddenly felt cold, despite the jacket hugging her shoulders.

"Did you do it?" she asked, her voice coming out in a barely audible whisper over the sound of the waves crashing against the wooden pillars. She found herself dreading his answer, for no apparent reason.

Killian looked down at the ropes still in his hands for a few seconds, then he let them go, along with a deep sigh, and whispered back: "No..."

Emma heard it only too well. Her gut instincts was right to make her fear his answer, because this was not what she was hoping to hear. What had happened out at sea? What had make him change the plan? Did someone attack him, stole the shears? Fear crawled under her skin at the thought. She inspected him carefully, but he seemed fine, apart from that dreadful look on his face.

"No? What do you mean no?" she questioned, her voice coming out a little harsher than she had intended.

Killian stood still, his eyes fixed on the ropes at his feet. The critical edge of Emma's voice was like fuel on the fire burning inside him. He was so angry... angry with her, for not telling him about the visions, angry with her parents for going along with her plans without ever questioning her judgement, not even for a second. But above all, he was angry with the gods (or destiny, fate, whatever it was) for making them go through all this. Hadn't they suffer enough already? Was all this really necessary? Why couldn't they just get the happy ending they deserved? He clenched and unclenched his hand, repetitively, trying to calm himself down. He was angry, yes, but he didn't want to fight, he didn't want to unleash all that on Emma, because he knew all the reasons behind her decisions and he _understood_ them. He needed to keep all that anger caged inside him, because he knew what would happen if he let it go. He didn't want her to see the darkest part of his soul out in the open again, she didn't deserve it. He didn't want to say words he knew he would regret saying later on.

The silence between them grew large and heavy, but finally Killian explained: "I mean I didn't get rid of the shears. I hid them somewhere safe where no one except me can find them, but close enough that I can retrieve them if we need to". There, he had said it. The guilt that was gnawing at his heart finally disappeared. 

Emma frowned, the relief of knowing that nothing bad had happened when he was out at sea and the annoyance of discovering he didn't do what she asked debating inside her. "But... I thought we agreed..." 

Killian didn't let her finish her sentence, her choice of words pushing him so close to the edge that he had to grit his teeth to keep all the anger inside him. "No, we didn't _agree_ on anything..." he said, pointing a finger at her "you _told_ me to throw them away without even asking my opinion on the subject".

Caught off guard by his statement and his accusing tone, Emma thought back to what had happened a few hours before at the loft. She had brought the shears and gathered up her family and Regina and... she had told them she didn't intend to use them. She had given them to Killian, telling him to get rid of them to avoid them becoming a weapon in the wrong hands. It occurred to her only now that Killian was right. She had never asked anyone in the room what they thought about it. She just went on with her plan, assuming that everyone would be on her side. Apparently, not everyone was. It bothered her more that she was willing to admit that Killian clearly had a different view on the matter, but she mostly felt guilty. She should at least have asked, heard him out. Maybe it was not too late though...

She bit her lip and whispered, again slightly afraid of his reply: "And what is your opinion on the subject?"

Killian's lips turned up in a sad smile, which died as suddenly as it had appeared. "Better late than never, I guess..." he murmured by himself, his voice so low that he was sure it got lost in the wind before it reached her ears. He finally looked up at her, registering the nervous look in her eyes and her rigid posture. He breathed in and let out the truth once again: "My opinion is that getting rid of the shears is not the right thing to do at the moment. They could be the only thing that can change your fate, Emma..."

When Aladdin had given her the shears back in the crypt, she had thought the same thing: _these can save my life_. But the price to pay was too high. There had to be another way and no one better than her family could find it. She held his gaze and told him, her voice full of pride and determination, like every time she spoke of her parents: "You heard my family, they... _we_... are going to find another way, we always do!" 

Killian was touched momentarily by her change of pronoun mid-sentence, as if to include herself and him too in her beautiful family. But that was not enough to distract him from his point. "What if there's no other way? Have you thought about that? I know you have faith, Emma, but sometimes believing into something doesn't make it real! You are asking me to throw away the only thing we know for sure has the power to save you. I am sorry, but I can't do it".

She could understand his reasons only too well... but it was not only about faith, it was also about the consequences that using those shears would bring. "Do you realise that if you use those shears I will lose my powers, I won't be the Saviour anymore? Who is going to protect my family, the rest of Storybrooke, then?" she replied, her voice loud and tinged with fear at the mere thought of being unable to protect the people she loved. "I thought you liked every part of me..." she added at the end in a broken whisper.

"Not if it bloody kills you!" he spat out, unable to stop himself, his voice so loud and harsh that it made Emma take a step back from him. That sent a jolt of pain through his heart. But still it didn't stop the flow of words that spilled from his lips: "I'd rather have you without your magic than lose you because you are too stubborn to get rid of it to save yourself from a cruel destiny! I don't care if you are the Saviour or not!"

"But I care!" Emma screamed back, tears burning at the corner of her eyes. She got his point, but he didn't know anything about being a Saviour, having the weight of the world on her shoulders, the responsibilities, the _meaning_ of it all! She took a deep breath and tried to explain it to him, each word threatening to choke her: "Being the Saviour is what gave sense to my life... my magic gave me the people I love and only with it I can protect them. If I cannot be the Saviour, than what am I?" 

Killian's heart softened seeing her eyes glossy with tears and hearing her broken voice. The fire inside him dimmed, his voice mirroring Emma's tone when he spoke again: "You are my Emma and I love you, with or without magic. And I am sure your family will love you too, even if you lose your powers..."

He was practically begging her to accept to use the shears as a possible way out of this. His sweet words almost made her agree. She knew that he would love her no matter what and that Henry, Mary Margaret and David would do that too. She could just give up, forget the responsibilities and her death sentence, live her life, be a normal person... it was tempting, very tempting. But no, it was not only about her... she shook her head and rejected his reasons again: "No, it's too dangerous. Look at what happened to Agrabah when Aladdin used them! They could destroy Storybrooke, kill everyone..."

_Of course she would put the whole bloody town before her own life!_  The anger exploded inside him. "I don't care!" he cried out.

His words echoed in the dark like thunder. Emma felt her eyes burn even more and her lips quiver with pain, disappointment, anger. "You don't care?" she whispered back, trembling "You don't care about Henry, about my family, our friends?"

Killian swore under his breath. He closed his eyes for a second and exhaled a long shaking breath. He tried to make up for his words, to convey the message he wanted her to hear so badly, but it was so hard to dig it out among all that anger and frustration: "That didn't came out right... I do care about your boy and everyone else and that's why I am not using those shears right now. I'll go along with whatever crazy plan the Charmings have in mind, I swear it, but if that doesn't work, I need to have a back-up plan, a way out... that's how I do things..."

Emma shook her head again. "Using the shears without considering what could happen is reckless and selfish..."

That was too much for him to bear. Without even realising it, he found himself screaming at her again, the words he had tried to keep buried inside him now flowing out, unstoppable: "Maybe it is reckless and selfish but you, Emma Swan, you are in no position to judge me for thinking this way. Did you think about the consequences of your actions when you turned me into a Dark One? Or when you came to edges of Hell to bring me back, because a life without me was not enough for you? Did you think about the safety of your family, of Storybrooke back then?"

Emma steadied herself against the flood of words coming at her, as sharp as razor blades. Her heart suddenly weighed a ton in her chest, pulling her down. She knew he was right. When he had been in danger all those times he had mentioned, she hadn't considered the consequences... she had been selfish and reckless and she had brought destruction and pain and death. But she had done it because she needed to save him. And now he was only trying to do the same thing for her... she felt her resolution crumble, but she didn't gave up yet. "That was different..." she mumbled pathetically, not really believing the words herself. 

That only managed to create another wave of poisonous words: "No, that was not different and you bloody know it! You didn't think about anything, not your family, not Storybrooke. You didn't even listen to what _I_ bloody wanted! You did whatever it took to save me. And I am glad you did. But don't judge me now for wanting to do the same thing for you!"

Emma stood still, unable to move, unable to say a single word to him, her heart bleeding and hot burning tears streaming silently down her cheeks. Killian wanted to punch himself for what he had done. He had let the anger control him and the fire had burned down everything. He had mentioned the Dark One again, after swearing to himself he wouldn't have done it anymore because he knew he hurt her a great deal. He covered his face with his hand, trying to clear his mind. He couldn't bear to look at her, standing just a few feet away from him, hugging herself, not even trying to stop the tears. It hurt him so much to see her broken like that and even more it hurt him knowing that it was all because of him. 

He moved closer to her, putting his good arm around her shoulders and lifting her chin gently with the blunt end of his hook. Then he opened his heart out to her: "Listen, I understand that you want to do the right thing, keep your magic to protect the people you love, fulfil your destiny and everything. I get it. And I admire you for your strength and purity of heart. Hell, I love you for it! But I am not as strong as you are, Emma. I need to have an anchor to steady myself in this thunderstorm, because the truth is... the idea of losing you... is devastating. I love you so much..." His voice broke into a sob in the end and he felt his own eyes fill up with tears, blurring the edges of her face.

Emma gave up when she heard the pain in his voice and the tears in his eyes. She put both arms around his neck and she whispered: "Oh, Killian! I love you too..." before kissing his lips. They kissed softly for a long moment, both their bodies shaking in each other's arms, their tears mingling on their cheeks. Then Emma pulled back, holding on to the lapels of his jacket, looking at him straight in the eyes. Her voice was no longer trembling, but determined and clear: "Promise me you will use the shears only if there is no other way... swear it, Killian!"

He looked back into those green eyes he loved so much and replied without hesitation: "I swear it on us".

She smiled at him, then lowered her gaze on his chest and let her head rest there, wrapping her arms around his hips. The tension of the argument had exhausted her so much she was afraid she would collapse without his body keeping her upright. A question popped up into her head and it slipped her lips before she could stop herself: "Why did you tell me? I mean, you could have kept the shears and told me you threw them in the ocean... I would have never known..."

Killian hugged her tightly and rested his cheek on her damp blond hair. "I almost did..." he replied "I had thought of a plausible lie to tell you, but then I remembered what you said earlier at the loft. And, to be honest, I'm fucking tired of secrets. We've been separated by realms, by darkness, even by death lately... and now that we are together and we could be happy, we keep building walls between each other. I'm bloody sick of it!" He could hear the echo of the anger from before in his own words and he stopped himself from saying more.

Emma felt the guilt weighing her heart again. She pushed away from his chest and she looked up at him. "Killian, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept the visions and the meaning of them from you. I was scared and I didn't want to burden you with all that, unless I had a solution for it or at least some kind of hope for one..."

He sighed and decided to be brutally honest once again. It had worked moment before, maybe it would work again: "I get it, I know you are used to solve your problems by yourself, it's been like this for me too for hundreds of years... but try to put yourself in my shoes for a second. Do you know what it means to see you suffer and not being able to help you? It tears my heart apart, Swan. It's worse than any of the tortures Hades inflicted upon me in the Underworld. You need to understand that you are not alone anymore. You have a family to help you now, you have _me_ to lean on. I won't run away just because you are scared, or in pain, or angry. I'll be with you, no matter what. But you need to let me in, Emma, really let me be part of your life, every part of it. I thought that was the whole point of us..."

He watched as Emma broke apart again with each word he said. Her already red eyes filled with new tears and her shoulders shook uncontrollably in his arms. "God, I did it again, didn't I? I ruined it. I ruin everything I touch..." she whispered, lowering her head in her hands and sobbing desperately. 

Killian hugged her tightly, pushing her against his chest, cradling her head in his hand. "Nothing's ruined, love..." he soothed her with his gentle voice, rocking her back and forth in his arms. He let her cry for what seemed like days, every sob a new stab of pain in his quite proved heart. When the worst seemed passed, he pulled back to look down at her face again. She reluctantly let him. He pushed back a strand of blond hair with the point of his hook and rested his palm on her wet cheek, drying her tears with his thumb. "I forgive you for not telling me about your visions, as long as you promise me you won't keep any more secrets from me from now on, no matter how horrible or scary they might be. Have faith in me, Emma. I can be your Saviour, sometimes".

Emma stared at his brilliant blue eyes and she saw only honesty, dedication and pure, simple, true love. "I promise..." she vowed, her voice croaking from all the crying. 

Killian let out a deep sigh of relief and visibly relaxed his shoulders. "Hell, I hate arguing with you!" he said.

"Don't tell me about it..." she agreed, drying the rest of the tears from her face with the back of her hand "I'm glad we did though..."

"Aye. Me too" he whispered back.

A thunder rumbled in the distance, making Killian look up at the sky with concern. "There's a storm coming..." he commented, eyeing the dark purple clouds approaching the port quickly. 

Emma followed his gaze and smiled. "It seems like the perfect night for a fire and some hot buttered rum..." she said, locking her arms around his neck once again. After a day like this, all she wanted was a normal evening with him, something to eat, maybe a movie... but absolutely no talks about death or magic or secrets.

Killian smiled back at her, already feeling the taste of his favourite drink on his tongue and the warmth of Emma's body closed to his own in front of the fireplace in their own home. "It sounds like heaven..." he whispered.

"Pizza or chinese?" she asked casually and that stupid question almost brought tears in his eyes again for the absolutely wonderful normality of it. 

"You heart desires, Swan. That's all I want you to have" he told her, making her smile once more. She leaned closer, kissing his lips softly. Pulling back, she whispered "let's go home..." then she flickered her fingers and they both disappeared in a cloud of white smoke.

_The end_


End file.
